Some people carry on conversations with ease and interest. Not me. Smooth conversations only flow with certain people, but if you ever worked with me, you’d never guess this. I’d rather sit quietly back and listen to topics being discussed. It’s not that I’m unintelligent or uninterested. I learn by listening. I don’t like to debate because my opinions are just that, my opinions. I’ll listen to yours, but most likely will stick to my own.
Parents were taught to ask their children open-ended questions if they want to learn more information. I always found a way to make even that impossible. “What did you learn in school today, Kristin?” always led to a “nothing” answer. Obviously that wasn’t true, but if I didn’t feel like talking, they weren’t getting anything out of me. I am known to be moody and crabby when I don’t feel like talking. Even from a young age I felt that my life was my business. Luckily, my parents knew well enough not to push for more and I was rarely home as a child to face many inquisitions. Competitive gymnastics consumes your life.
Even now, I’m not much of a talker. Only my closest friends know the real me, and I still have my secrets. My parents don’t even know much beyond the surface. Don’t ask them what I’m up to unless you’re prepared to receive a questionable answer. No, I don’t tell my parents everything. They don’t know my plans; they don’t know my day-to-day life. I rarely tell them details. They know what they need to know about me- I’m happy, safe, and enjoying life. As close as we seem, they’re my parents above all things. I’m sure my mom loves this blog because she actually gets to learn more about me than I would ever say verbally. Like my top five freebies…
I’m more open to expressing my opinions via social media and writing. My fingertips are more comfortable with self-expression than my mouth. The only way I will be an open, worn out book is if I write everything down… like I am now. By the end of this blog, you may rip plenty of pages out of my story because you don’t agree with what I have to say. Writing falls into my comfort zone. I can type out my thoughts and erase them as if they never existed. You can’t retract verbal comments. As John Mayer sings, “my stupid mouth has got me in trouble. I said to much again”. Sometime I have to think long and hard before publishing a post on a sensitive topic. In the end, no one has to read it if they don’t want and my opinions make me unique. I may even write exactly what you were thinking but wouldn’t dare say.
I prefer being quiet and private. I won’t call you up when I’ve had a bad day. I’ll let whatever nonsense brew inside me and then write out my aggression. I’m an artist in that sense. I use my feelings to fill blank pages. One day, I’ll show you an example but not quite yet. There are still plenty of topics to cover before I open my soul by sharing my deepest treasures. One day, though. One day. Until then, enjoy what I am willing to share. And if you ask me how I’m doing, don’t expect an in depth answer. Just know, I am more than fine. I’m just not willing to share.
35. More than fine, more than just OK – ‘More Than Fine” by Switchfoot