14. Compliments not for the taking

14. Compliments not for the taking

I find it hard to give compliments if I don’t mean them despite how trivial the statement may be.  If I secretly think your new haircut looks awful, I’m not going to agree with everyone when they say they love it.  If you don’t have anything nice to say… well, you know the rest.   If someone reenacts an encounter about a compliment they received, I’ll listen but I won’t necessarily boost her moral and agree with that compliment if I really don’t.  If someone constantly tells stories about how other people find them attractive, I won’t say a thing.  There’s an obvious need for reassurance, and I won’t bite.  I won’t tell you that you’re beautiful if I don’t think you truly are; however, I will tell you that you look very pretty in that dress if I think you do.  These two compliments differ.

I don’t give compliments to boost someone’s self-esteem.  I give them because I truly mean what I say, and in my opinion, the worth of the words is far greater with that intent.  If we stand at the makeup counter talking to a sales rep and I brag about how wonderfully you apply makeup, it’s a fact.  If I turn to you every time I need my eyes to pop, your skills definitely show.  It means more for me to give that genuine statement once in a while than a mood boosting fallacy more often.  I’m predictable in that way.  I mean what I say.

In correlation, I don’t want to receive compliments unless the giver absolutely means them.  I’m often slow to accept compliments because I’m not certain of the intent.  Are you for real?  If I agree with you though, I’ll grab that positive statement and revel in it.  If you were to tell me I was a great gymnast back in the day, I’d absolutely believe you.  I have the awards to prove it.  There was even a moment when I literally was flawless.  I would take that compliment without hesitation.

I think I’m different than most girls.  Flattery doesn’t get you everywhere.  Just be upfront and tell me like it is, or if you prefer to say nothing, I accept that too..  If my hair grows too long and reveals the ‘fro, tell me.  If I’m too old to be wearing shorty shorts, I need to hear it.  If you think I used salt instead of sugar in the cake I just baked, for the love of God, don’t tell me it’s amazing!  I’d rather you tell me the truth than fake a compliment to save my feelings.  Be a real friend.

Just remember, though I appreciate the truth, I may not listen to what you just told me.  I’m stubborn and opinionated, and I do what I want.

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